Good Saturday afternoon to you!! Ok, people, how's it going? I'm sitting here... doing nothing... I just drank a glass of deliciously sweet and thick chocolate milk. Mmm... what a good breakfast. I just got out of bed about a 1/2 hour ago. Of course, I woke up early this morning at around 8'o-clock, let Spot into my room where she jumped on the bed and slept, listened to all three of the CDs in my CD changer and slept on and off, then woke up totally to read The Lost World by Michael Crichton. Turning into a very good book, except for the fact that I can't stand the main character. I read Jurassic Park earlier this week. Now that was a good book. Umm... so... you probably don't want to hear about my stupid morning and want to hear some news... OK, news coming up:

All week I've searved under a project. Of course, this project has been totally failing unless you count the one good conversation I had with the person the project involves. However good that conversation was, it involved the English paper (I know, I know, you expected never to hear of it again. Sorry to bring it up!!) so I don't truely consider that a success because it was just about school. So, all in all, I've made very little progress toward my goal. But, I shall not be disheartened! I will reach through to said person in time and I will see victory... I hope. Ok, enough of that. Yesterday was a regular movie Friday. We stayed after school for a while... (By "we" I mean Steve, Erik, and I, just for clarification) We were waiting for Dylan to come pick us up, but of course he was late-ish (I say late-ish to avoid confrontation with Dylan) so we had to walk to the movie theater; no harm done, and I got exercise. Then we got tickets and food and were all set to watch Bruce Almighty when, low and behold, Jessica Fenton shows up! Yup, so it was Jess, me, Steve, Dan, Erik, and Dylan (sitting in that order). Then we walked to AppleBees. We lost Jess on the way there, but gained Kayla and then got to munching. How odd it is that whenever I go to AppleBees I always see someone I know from school. I'm not kidding, every single time I've gone I've seen someone I know. This time it happened to be... let's see... Bridget & Maggie, Mary, Becca, Lara... I think that was it for that group. Jordan was our host, as usual, so there's another person. Then we met Ro, who came and sat with us for a while. She was waiting for Kendal who eventually showed up and they went off to the movies. Oh! And at the movies I saw Catherine and Nimm. Not together, mind you, but I just saw both of them I suppose it would be REALLY weird if Catherine and Nimm were at the movies... No, Cat met with her friends there and Nimm met with his friends. None of whom I recogmised, but now that I think about it, it's possible that John was one of them... Ashame I didn't go talk to him. Anyways, so that's how yesterday went: very confusing, very entertaining, and very yummy.

On to today! Today I am going to Sarah's confirmation party. She begged us to come because, and I don't blame her, she can't stand being with her family the whole time. I know exactly what she's talking about, actually, I dragged Erik to my confirmation party. And Matt and Andrea too, but I think they were more there to hang out with Alison than for me. No matter... Tomorrow I am having a pArTy. Ok, I take that back. It's not a party in the party sense, but there's a bunch of people coming over. Personally, I think Steve just got sick of always going to his house. I don't blame him, I usually avoid having people over as often as possible cause then I can get out of the house. But, we all need to take turns hosting the gatherings. So... I've got to invite people. I think Steve, Dylan, myself, Kayla, possibly Chris and Xandra. Imagine if I invited Will...yikes, that would be interesting, wouldn't it?? *Shuts up* Umm... I dunno... there's not much more to say, at the moment. Listening to Evanescence - Lies right now... and I think that's all I have to say.

I've already done complaining previously. I now leave you with a poem... I just have to write it, is all:

Love and hate have no difference,
Loss and gain are one in the same,
Joy and fear both clentch our souls,
Pleasure and pain that wax and wane.
Where's the gap between music and silence?
What's the discrepancey around light and dark?
Aren't shouts and whispers of the same nature?
Don't life and death have the same mark?
Like sun and moon,
One reflects the other...
Like misery and delight
Both attract the other...

It's your indifference I hate,
It's your apathy I can not stand.
It's your shrugs and closed stares
That I simply don't comprehend.
All I know is my own extreme...
All I know is one side of the spectrum.
All I want is hatred and loathing;
All I want is love and affection.

Slap me
Kiss me
Tell me you miss me
Just don't walk away like you don't care what happens to me...
Don't sigh like you've forgotten.
Please don't look at me like I'm a stranger
Just let me know you still know my name...
Just let me know you still know my name.

Well, I tried to do this earlier this evening, but my heart just wasn't in complaining then, but now it is! I'm full up of emotions and ready to regale you with tales of the past 5 days, for that is how long it has been since my last entry, and tell you other useless, vague facts about my life that will just cause you to come up to me in the halls or perhaps ping my later online and ask me what in all of creation I was talking about. Yes, I have had that happen to me several times, in fact twice today! So, at least I know my senseless babble is being read by some people. Hooray! That makes me happy.

Ok, the latest: I'm listening to Seaside Rendezvous by Queen at the moment. I wrote two new poems today; this is good cause I haven't written any in a few weeks. Umm, I passed in my eViL eNgLiSh PaPeR today... Yes, that means I am finally rid of the horrid thing. Update!! I'm now listening to Stealing Babies by Our Lady Peace! Sorry, I just thought I'd alert you to that newsflash so you wouldn't go on reading this thinking Queen when really my mind was somewhere else. Now, back to the real stuff... I saw the Matrix twice already. Spanking good movie, I recommend you all rope an adult and get to a theater ASAP. It's soooo niffty. I am officially in L-O-V-E with Agent Smith and the Merovingian -- WOW -- His accent is amazing... (Update: now playing - Build Me Up Buttercup by the Foundations) So, after seeing it opening day and then again on Saturday, it may well be one of my favorite movies now. Other news includes this: 17 school days left!! Hooray!!

Ok... Now I'm just going to babble on a little more (promise I won't waste too much of your time) about nights around here... For the past two nights I've been staying up extra late. I stayed up until the moon had risen. You have no idea how cool it is to spend an hour staring at the stars of the night sky, then sit awake in the dark listening to music, then then finally look up to see a glowing, bronzish orb rising through the trees. I can only imagine how cool the moon-rise looked from the beach. I wish I could have like teleported myself there and back, just so I could see that. And, last night, I stayed up watching TV and then reading and then listening to music in the dark again. I've decided this new anti-sleep policy is bad for my health, but I need to start training for summer. (Now playing: Stroke 9 - Little Black Backpack) Lalala... I seriously can't wait for summer to start. As soon as school is over the Order of the Phoenix, yes that's right Harry Potter - Year 5, will be coming out. And then I get a week and it's off to Baltimore. Unfortunately, I learned that right after camp is over (yes, after spending 3 weeks on a boat) I'm being dragged on a family vacation ON MY BIRTHDAY! (Update: Goo Goo Dolls - Iris) Now, there are FAR, FAR worse things that could happen to me over the summer, but I don't really care what you say and I plan on complaining about this at length because it's about my birthday -- the day I was born! No day could take that day's place, ever. I mean... think about it. That date marks the most important moment in your... well... life. It's the start of your LIFE. The moment you first had to come into this world and do stuff on your own. On that day, the only thing you had to do on your own was breath, scream, and drool, but even that is a monumental (sp?) milestone in your existance. So... I'm rather angry that I can't celebrate those first hours of self-sufficiency at home watching hours and hours of anime with my friends when instead I have to be stuck in another state miles away from my comfortable home with my family in a hotel room.

Ok... I'm done. And now I'm listening to American Head Charge - All Wrapped Up. Many good days I wish to you!!

Ok... I've been wondering; Do I try too hard? I mean... I'm trying right now. I really am, at this very moment. I'm trying to be friends with someone. I'm trying not to say anything wrong or mess up or look stupid and childish. Heh, I suppose right this negates all of that. But I'm serious. I think I try too hard. I certainly put a lot of work into this morning, only to get nothing for my efforts. So, then, why am I back up a bat again, even though I know I'm going to strike out? Well, it's possibly because if I never do get up to the plate -- put on my helmet, pick up the bat, adjust my gloves like Nomar, and stand there staring straight at the pitcher, waiting for the ball to fly at my face... If I never do that, then I'll never have the chance to hit that grand slam amoung all those strike-outs and walks. Half the time, I get three strikes. The umpire calls out... And I'm threw. I don't even want to leave the dugout again, let alone get back up to bat. The rest of the time, the ball hits me. A large, black bruse forms as I walk to first, fan jeering in the stands. But, I know, in my heart, that it was just an accident. Getting hit doesn't constitute as a base run. Getting hit by the pitcher just gets you sympathy to go to first. What I'm trying so hard for is the homerun...

Bases loaded, bottom of the ninth, two outs... We're down by one. I walk up to the plate. The catcher catches my eye, malice in my face. He doesn't want me to hit this, obviously. The umpire doesn't look at me at all. Sure, he works for my stadium, but he's a fair player. Too fair... he's down right nasty when it comes to calls. I can't mess this up...

Strike one... it was a little high, but I swung anyway.
Ball one... the pitcher's throwing too high, I'm going to have to watch for that.
Strike two... was low that time. Tricky little hobbit. I'm going to strike out, I just know it.
Ball two... Nice one, Shelle. Nothing was acomplished, but you're still in the running...

Then, it happens. The pitcher throws the perfect pitch... Right down the center, straight to me... I swing...

*CRACK*

"It's OOOOUUTTA here!!" The stands are shaking like mad, my team's running home... the ball soars and soars and soars... soars right out of the park. The commentator's going nuts, my team storms the field as I hit first, second, third, and come home!! I've won, I've won, I've WON!

Yup... that's what I'm trying SO darn hard for. That's why I can't stop. That's why no one should ever stop. Quitting... running away... It's not worth it. Although, in extreme situations, I guess I can see the value in running away. Staying in dangerous situations is never good. Oh, but don't get me wrong. A little risk goes a long way. And... now I'm sitting here talking to myself. Ah, it's just as well. I tried, and failed, but I'm going to keep trying. Now... lemme ask you again -- Do I try too hard?

Hello! One more day to this week! School is going by so fast, thank the Maker. Today I am going to see the Matrix Reloaded. I suppose it would be wise to go back and watch the first Matrix. I only saw it once and I don't really remember what happened except there was a helicopter and a skyscraper and a fight scene to go along with it. I didn't really like the first one, at least not to the extent everyone else did. People go on and on about it like it was some revolutionary movie. Oh... wait... it was about revolution. Damn. But, that's not what I mean! I mean, yeah it had some attractive people in it and the graphics were sweet as all the honey in the world, but face it -- the plot sucked. What could be a more over-done storyline than evil cyborg robotic things taking over and enslaving the human race?? And the chick fell in love with Neo in like 2 and a half seconds. I remembered the romance sucked. But... all in all it was a cool movie. The sequal looks even better because I like the idea of the city thing. I'm not entirely sure what the plot is of this one, but I assume it is very similar. But, action movies never do have good plots, do they? Hmmm... ok... this is getting boring.

Curently, I am listening to Better Than Ezra - Extra Ordinary, eating white cheddar Cheese-Its, talking to Meghan about the stupid English paper thing, and wondering why I think this flavor crackers is so disgusting but am eating them anyway. Exciting moment in my life, right? That's what I thought... At least I'm honest. I'm not like making up some story that I'm like flying over the Amazon Rainforest in my private jet typing away on my $50,000 laptop being served chocolate moouse by my personal (and very, VERY sexy) Italian underwear model Anthony. Hey... that doesn't sound too bad... *sighs* I wish I had my own personal Italian underwear model... Oh well, back to the real world, not that it's better or anything... Ummm, today I decided people are really mean. Like, I went through another moment where I lost complete (Ok, not complete, but pretty close to it) faith in the human race. Now, my gym class was outside during the last period today and we were innocently playing kickball and having fun and all... and I heard more insults from people at other players that I just couldn't believe it. I serious was shocked that people took a gym class game that seriously that they felt the need to shriek and bitch and moan when someone messed up. I'm just sick of people being asses to each other. I truely am. I should take my own advice. So far, since I felt that hot swoop of anger toward ignorant humans, I haven't insulted anyone or called anyone anything mean or whatever. Let's see how long this lasts. I have no faith in myself to believe I'll keep this up more than a few hours, but I'm going to try. Maybe I can break my mean habit. Maybe.

Umm... so, yup there it is. There's all I'm going to say. Want an update on As the School Burns? Well, not much is happening that doesn't include people's families and I don't like to point out those things to the general public, for it's none of their business so I won't. Umm... so, I'll run off and prepare to go to the movies. Whoa... big craving for bananas and whipped cream...

Well, it's Sunday. Bully for Sunday because it is the most awful day of the week! Why, you ask? Well... First of all, it's the first day of the week and first is the worst so there. Second of all, I have to get up early on Sunday to go to Church. Now, you are probably asking yourself why I'm bothering to complain because I get up super early usually in order to go to school, but I'll tell you it is because I actually see some value in attending school cause I learn stuff sorta. At Mass, on the other hand, all I learn is how to fall asleep with my eyes open while sitting up and listening to old people drone on about the Lord and God and Holy Ghost and stuff like that. The best book of the Bible is by far Revelations... end of the world and all that. Reminds me of my childhood because I spent at least 20% of the time reading A House with a Clock in its Walls by John Bellairs which is about this fancy, spiffy Dooms Day clock some wiggy old Sorcerer built and it talks about Dooms day and stuff. I must admit, Bellairs wrote some dark material for kids. Speaking of dark material, His Dark Materials is a very good series by Philip Pullman, another of my favorite authors. I've been trying to find his other series to no reward for a while. I shall find it someday! There was a mention of dark matter on Voyager last night. Damn good show, ashame is had to end, but all good things must. Dark matter is an awesome theory... I wish we could prove its existance. That would certainly explain an awful lot about the universe(s). Yes, there are more than one if you were wondering. There's an article about it in Scientific American that I was reading over breakfast (right after I read the comics...) and it was going on about the multiple universe theory thing. Very, very interesting.

Oh! I have news... Yes, this is very pitiful and, at the same time, very exciting for me. I danced with Ryan McGovern at Soph-Hop! Now, don't kid me about being so girly, please. I'm just basking in my happiness... God, the man smells REALLY good. I wonder what calogne or aftershave or whatever he uses... I was like blushing so hard... Ok, I'll shutup now. Anyone can read this if they want and I suppose some of Cat's friends will and she'll never let me live it down. I do that to myself an awful lot. I seem to be using the word "awful" an awful lot. Oh, crappidity... I did it again.

I'm not doing much today... Staying home and working on my English paper. I have to make my little outline thing to pass into him tomorrow. I HATE ENGLISH!! I HATE IT WITH A FIREY HELLISH PASSION! Hmmm... passion... like in... the Scarlet Letter. SEE?! It's taking over my life! And exams are coming! That's right, exams. No matter how much we try to deny it, we're still peeking over a sholder seeing them get ever closer... ever closer... and before we know it *BAAM!* it hits us like a ton of bricks. I feel like Harry Potter... but wait! His fourth year, he didn't have to take exams! Curse him... but, alas, my forth year at Prout doesn't include the Triwizard Tornament and I'm most definatly not a school champion so I must suffer endlessly. Well, I suppose it's not endlessly, for after exams SUMMER 2003 starts. I get 2 weeks free then I'm off to Baltimore for 3 more weeks. After that, the summer is mine, except for our family vacation. I hope we go to Arizona. Then I get to visit K and that would be sweet. I also have to take Driver's Ed this summer, which I'm looking forward to because after that I get my permit... and then my LICENSE! Ah, I can't wait until this damn English paper is over and exams are gone and summer is here... I've already got the summer "bug" as I'm sure you realized in reading this entire paragraph... I'm going away now to work to make the summer come faster.

Please, Over-Soul, bring me SUMMER!

Well... Anything new happen? Oh, of course! Plenty of new things happen every day. I'm usually just far too lazy to tell anyone about them. In fact, I'm planning on being "far too lazy" today and not really saying any facts, but spreading lots of rumors and random, useless bits of information. In example:

"The gopher has emerged from the hole. We are waiting for it to take the cheese, enticed by the lack of cheese earlier. But first, the cheese needs to be given to the gopher."

Now... let's analyze this for a moment or two. First of all, the gopher is not who you think it is, not by a long shot. Unless, of course, you happen to be a time-travelings psychic and can read what my mind was thinking at the time that I wrote that statement. Hahaha, I didn't think so. But, I am prepared to give you other hints as to whom the gopher is. The cheese is actually a bad thing, if everyone's definition of "bad things" is all the same. I'm pretty sure you would think this is a very bad thing, so I won't bother to define that any farther. Also, the cheese, as I'm sure your brilliant little minds gathered, is not actually cheese at all. Infact, it doesn't have anywhere near the appeal cheese has, unless you're an insufferable know-it-all and love to have this particular type of cheese... Enough with the clues. Second of all, this statement, I suppose after reflecting on it for a moment or two, can be used in more ways than one to describe the current situation. Not that that really matters, at least not to me, for we all know (or should by now) who I'm talking about, what I'm waiting for, and why this is awfully, horribly bad, especially if the gopher takes the cheese. Then again... what if the gopher realizes the cheese is missing?! This is far, far too complicated... and now I want cheese. And I want a gopher, too, but not the same gopher I am thinking of...

Ok, other news...

Well, I suppose I would normally say who I like now. Now, just to clarify everything, I don't like anyone. At least, not to the extent I would be calling "liking" someone, for, let's face it, liking people just gives me nightmares. Now, I still do have crushes and, of course, I have people I love. It is that last thought that has people exploding at each other of late... Why? Cause it's missing a good definition. In fact, the definition of love is rather vague, at least from my point of view. Oy, everything in here is from my point of view. Unfortunately, that's the problem. From here, I don't see other people's points-of-views and, unless they are very special people with the power to steal someone's mind, they don't see mine. Not that I mind, after all, I'm still working on how to make you see from mine. How, you ask? (NOTE* I know you didn't ask, and most likely weren't going to ask, and a little less likely that you weren't even paying attention to what I was rambling about so now you are completely lost as to what the hell I'm talking about... Don't worry, I know all that. Just thought I'd mention that...) Well... by WRITING, of course. Yup, someday I will write a book and my entire POV, personality, character, etc. will come out for the world to see and people will read it and say "THAT'S why she said that to me three years ago." or "Now I know what she meant by..." yada, yada, yada. I've got to go write a newsletter for MUN now...

Oh, hello people. Hmmm... I was readily inspired by someone else's blog to make my own. Not very Emmerson-like, unfortunately, but I would love to have a debate with him on human instinct verses human habit. I read this article in Discovery magazine the other day while in the bathroom (keep in mind, there are a rather odd assortment of things to read in my bathroom) and it was going on about how society is based on human instint, otherwise, how would it have evolved the way that is has? ...and stuff along that line. So... when we "follow" society, like Emmerson would say, it is actually natural for us to do so. Like I said, I would love to have a debate with him on that. I realized, at some point, that debating with Mr. St. Gean on these issues is completely and utterly pointless. My reasons? He just gets annoyed that you are daring to inturrupt his class and goes on and on about how he doesn't actually believe a word of what he says, he is simply expressing the views of the author. I suppose I should be rather thankful that I finally have an English teacher who teaches what the AUTHOR believes, and not his or herself. Other people who have done that? Hmmm... let's think... Mrs. Shackleton, Mrs. Houlihan, etc. The list goes on, but back then I didn't care as much. Ok, enough with the personal english essay...

Anything mildly interesting happening these days? Hmm... I suppose so. If you want full details, you can come and ask me yourself and don't be lazy. How awful that almost everyone I know is lazy. Ah, well... c'est la vie. Now, disclosing a full-detailed report on the lastest happenings around the school would be very detremental to the trust people put in me. So, for your sakes (and for my own) I'm not going into the whole story. As the School Burns has gotten very interesting of late. (Kudos to Sean G. for the soap-opera name! [Kudos to Erik F. for the word "kudos"!] Thanks guys!) I certainly royally screwed everything up over the past week, maybe over the past half-a-year if you have any idea what the effect of Saturday evening's conversation made me realize. I do wish people would point things out to me directly. I'm really a dense little girl no matter how much I may act otherwise. See, if I'd have known what I now know months ago... maybe I would have saved myself a lot of embarrassment and the whole cast a lot of pain and suffering. I should go do more research...

Oh, for you people who don't know me and have no idea what I'm talking about, sorry!! I tend to ramble without actually saying any real details. Gomen!