KABLAH!

And, now, I have lots and lots of stuff that put me in a gooooooooood mood! Let's think, besides doing barely any of my homework this weekend and still being able to do well in my classes, I've got lots of stuff going on. Today went like this: Drove to the bus stop, yeah, that's right... I DROVE!! And I haven't even had my permit for a week yet. Oh yeah, I'm a natural! Then, listened to nice music on the bus, hung out with people before the bell... Then the day started: Math, which was good but we got homework; then gym long period with Daine *yays!*; an english test next which I did pretty well on, if I do say so myself; then religion and learning about Buddism, playing on my calculator, and writing on my hand (always a happy class); IB bio next, which was a good class because we got our first labs back and I got a 97!!! All we did there was takes notes. Lunch. Yum. I ate a bagel. And laughed at Jack. Yeah, that never happened, right Lexy?? Ummm... French next, which wasn't too bad dispite the fact that I got an 11.5 out of 25 on the last quiz *looks innocent and points to the rest of the class* SOME OTHER PEOPLE DID WORSE THAN I!! Umm... finally, econonomics (and yeah I meant to spell it like that), where we had a test and I don't think I did that bad on it. *grins* So.... that was cool. Then MUN after school, which r0x0rs because we finally got our acts together and booked a hotel for UCMUN and had an awesome debate. And, finally, here's the best thing about the day... I DROVE ALL THE WAY HOME FROM SCHOOL!!! *cheers* That's right. From the Prout parking lot to my garage -- all by your's truely. Pat was behind me for a little bit pulling outta the government center. Hands up who thinks he was frightened for his life to see me drive... *waves her hands around in the air like Hermione Granger* HAHA, figures. *ahem* Not that he was nice to me during MUN anyway...

Wow, so that was my day. I am happy. Now I'm drinking rootbeer and eating caramel popcorn and having fun. And not doing homework. Not that I have a lot, due to the two tests today. I'm really excited about October. We've got soooo much going on that it'd gonna be WICKED fun!! *smiles* Ali's coming home for the weekend on the 10th! I was really happy to hear that!! Umm... ok... Like 1/2 hour has gone by since I last wrote something. I've got nothing else to say. I'm all out-spoken and crap. w00t. Write something? I can try...

One Love, Four Seasons, and a Reason for Hope
I traipse along the roaring beach
And the lavendar sky calls to me
I look to the horizon and wonder so hard
What lies, what lies across the sea?

A clear afternoon on an autumn day
The leaves flutter around and around my head
With wind in my hair and a bite to the air
I am, I am exempt from all known dread.

I waltz across the cold, clean snow
White flakes bath the world in a new light
Bitter and freezing, yet still always warm
Just watch, just watch the swirling night.

Fog and mist, mossy hills, and fresh rain
A season of color, a season of scent
The flowers bloom and burst, sending rainbows 'round me
Sing loud, sing loud little birds of content.

I traipse along the roaring beach
And the lavendar sky calls to me
I look to the horizon and wonder so hard
What lies, what lies across the sea?

Life is sweet,
So drink it's nectar.
Love your mind,
And use your heart.
Feel your soul,
And always wonder
Just what lies
Across the sea...

I traipse along the roaring beach
And the lavendar sky calls to me
I look to the horizon and wonder so hard
What lies, what lies across the sea?

How was that?? IM me with comments, 'cause that totally came outta no where and I, literally, tried for, like, and hour to write something... Yeah, loves!

I have to pee...

Sitting here... trying not to start my homework even though I have a lot of it. What's wrong with wanting to sit around all day being lazy and watching football?? NewYork vs. New England. W00t w00t!! GO PATRIOTS, BOO JETS! Anything?! Well, I'm sure there is to the teachers. Blah. Someone remind me again why I did full IB... I'm still not quite sure... *sighs* Cause, since I've been in it, I don't get to see anyone. I feel I'm drifting away from people. Well, not Erik 'cause he's in a bunch of classes with me, but everyone else. I read people's ljs and, just like last year, I'm missing out on all the stuff that happens in lunch time and such. How sad.

I finished Driver's ed on Friday. w00t w00t! I was so happy. Got a 90 on my permit test and I'm going to go get my permit at the DMV on Wednesday. I can not wait to start driving!! It's gonna be so much fun! Hopefully, I'll have my license by March. Blah, not soon enough. I don't want to have to take the bus to school for 6 months!! The Westerly bus is ALWAYS late to school. Makes me an "angry panda" as most people would say. Most inconvenient(sp??). So, aside from that, things are pretty good. I missed the movies on Friday, but yesterday was an awesomely good time at Cael's (Kayla's, for those of you still learning...), we went swimming as a last hoorah for summer. Alas, it's over. I miss it so... Um, who was there? Basement (Steve), Enrique (Erik), Nalyd (Dylan), Ming (Meghan), myself (me), and Jessica Fenton. Yeah, weird huh? But it was cool 'cause we went to the Umbrella Factory and I gots a pretty necklace. *yay!* And... uh... yeah.

What else? Um... I dunno. I'm ok. Daine's being weird about homecoming. It's not that ridiculous to want a date, you know. But, whatever, I'll prolly just end up going by myself unless someone asks me, 'cause I'm really too lazy to do the work myself. Heh, I can not WAIT for Spirit Week. It's gonna r0x0rs, 'cause the next two months are gonna be KILLER!! We got movies (THE RUNDOWN!!! CAN YA SMEEEEEEELL WHAT THE ROOOOCK IS COOOKIN'!!???) & Steve's (I think) next weekend (which is a 3 days!), King Richard's fair the weekend after that, 3-day-weekend for Columbus day, prolly movies again around the 19th, then Homecoming, and then UCONN & Halloween!!!! I swear to God, this fall's gonna be SO MUCH FUN!! I can not wait! Then November, which is always cold and rainy, but there'll be Thanksgiving, and then December, which is AWESOME with, like, Christmas and stuff. And vacation. And Barry visiting or visiting Barry. Hehe. And then Dylan's birthday/New Year's Party and due starts 2004!

Ayeeep. Apart from the bad stuff, the rest of 2003 looks PRETTY good. I'll write poetry later, promise. Salut!

Here!

Wow. Check out my... self. Yeah, I'm like that. Mostly. Hopefully. Only sometimes I have hysterics. It's mostly an act, which I'm sure you've all figured out... Least my personality quiz results match my mood. I am happy... or am I?





find your element
at mutedfaith.com.


Bored & unfeeling, as I've tended to become lately. Blah, lots of stuff going on, but I don't feel like talking about it. And I've avoided poetry, too. I'M TRYING TO BE... FREE!! Heh, it's not working. Getting all song-obsessed again. I tend to do that to myself. Bad, Shelle, bad. More updations later. Love to... yeah, well, you know by now. I'll spare you the public embarassement. Hoorah!

I'm so lost...

It's really cold right now. And I can't focus on much of anything. I had a French quiz today and failed it. I didn't study last night... I was too busy crying. And tonight? Econ quiz to prepare for... I'm not doing that either. Too depressed. Too cold. Too lonely. Too in love. That's what this is all about. My parents won't let me go see Barry. Their next best offer "He can come here during Christmas vacation." They think that helps? They think that improves anything? They think I'll appreciate that or something?? Mom thinks I can't fly by myself. I can. I'm not going to get lost. The world's a big place, but I'm strong willed. And lucky. I'm not going to get lost. The airline doesn't lose children, doesn't she realize that? They're legally at fault. Otherwise no one would fly alone. And kids to all the time. Dad thinks I won't get my homework done. What an excuse... Of course I will. It won't be that hard, I can do all my work on normal nights, even with Driver's ed and stuff, and suddenly one weekend where I can get my assignment in advance and work on them on the plane & in the airport and now I'm not capable of doing it? No. They don't trust me, apparently. What am I talking about?? They never trusted me, not for the past two years. They accuse me of, what, smoking and taking drugs. No. They raised me better. GIVE YOURSELVES GOD DAMN CREDIT PLEASE. They think I'm too young. I'm old enough to miss someone... I'm old enough to miss someone I love...

Forever Frozen
And the distance leaves me so lost
That I can't see straight through the tears...
How much pain is this gonna cost?
This is the sum of all my fears.

My heart knows it's breaking,
But I won't accept that Fate...
My energy this is taking...
Won't these sobs please abate?

Never
Never
It's so cold I shiver
Forever
Forever
That's how long I'll remember

Dark clouds across a dark sky...
Running from a black cyclone,
Searching for rainbows up high
Wind leaves me all alone.

Growing up doesn't help at all,
Not if it means more pain.
Running, running until I fall
Blood and tears mixed with rain...

Sever
Sever
Remove every single sliver
Devour
Devour
Cold takes every last ember

Warmth, love, hope, and devotion,
Lost to the bleakness around.
I try to hold onto every notion
That you and I are still bound.

Words spill into my silent mouth,
But I make no effort to speak them.
Somethings you say fill my with doubt
Sometimes I'm rich with love like a gem.

Hour
Hour
Each passing moment I quiver
Power
Power
Ice clings to me like late December

There is no room for more loss...
So why do I keep pushing away
All those who would carry me across
All the hardships in my way?

And I decide to sleep at last light
Forming nightmares in my mind.
Cower in my bed on a dark night,
Praying our Fates stay ever entwined...

Never
Never
It's so cold I shiver
Forever
Forever
That's how long I'll remember

Forever, that's how long I'll remember...


Another? I think so...

Warmth
Warm me with you blood,
Kiss me with you tender words,
Pull your arms around me,
And pour on me love like a flood.
Choose me as your own,
Make my dreams come true,
Hold me close to your body,
Never, ever leave me all alone.

Craving your touch
Like I always do...
I need you now
There's room for two...
We're still together
Like we always are...
Stay so very close
Though, we're so very far...

Warm me with you blood
Wipe off all the mud.

Yes, we're together,
Like we always are...
Stay so very close
Though we're so very far.

Yeah, two opposite titles... but I'm still wishing one thing: To be held by my baby again...

I miss my BARRY!!

Another evil day of getting up early, going to school, surviving full IB, coming home, doing homework, going to Driver's ed, doing MORE homework, studying, and finally updating my blog after nearly a week of it being un-touched. School's very... complicated. Unfortunatly just about everything I predicted is coming true. The work load isn't bad right now, but I'm starting to see glimpses of how it's going to play out. Oh yah, this'll be a fun year. Only 6 more classes of Driver'd ed!! w00t w00t!!! So, I haven't seen Steve or Meghan or Sarah or Pat or anyone like that all week because I have NO CLASSES with them at all and I don't have lunch with them either. Blah... third lunch is sooooo lonely!! I mean, like, Erik's there. That's good. And Jack and Johanna and Abby are there and stuff, but I still have none of my GIRLS!! It's like last year, only this time I don't even have Patrick to quarrel with. It's just... "Wide awake - Nothing!" So, yeah, not good. I miss Ali. I miss her and all my older friends! It's so not cool having her gone. Parents seem to have gone off and gotten lost without their oldest. Now it's "DO YOUR HOMEWORK" all the time. They trusted me LAST YEAR, but not this year?? What's with that?? And, like, Dad's freaking out cause the new neighbors are slicing away all the trees. And they won't let me go see a movie tomorrow. HA, I say to that. Cause it just shows they still don't trust me after almost two years. It hurts. They still think I'm the "problem-child" who smokes or takes pills or worships the Devil or the other number of things they've accused me of. Yeah, this feels good. My own parents don't trust me. *sighs* Nor do they like how I dress. As if I dress so damned awful. You'd think I'd killed someone or got arrested the way they act... They never thank me for not doing pot, they never thank me for not getting in trouble or expelled (I'VE NEVER GOTTEN DETENTION), they never thank me for not coming home drunk or DEAD or raped or something, they never thank me for not FAILING my classes, they never thank be at all... Instead they tell me to bring up my grades which are already up to my full effort. Yeah, great. I'm. Not. Good.

So... armed conflict amoung the delegates continues. [Note: I like comparing our lives to MUN now, not just the soap opera. Next it'll be Dominion...] Not any real troublesome issues yet, but we all know they're bubbling under the surface, especially with people I've talked to. Everyone's just keeping their tempers in check for the first month-or-so. MUN is going to be a catalyst of something, we all know it. Ok, I shoudn't say NOTHING'S happened so far: Pat and Sarah broke up today. Hooray. At least Pat talked to me now! I was happy. Elighted. You don't understand. I've become addicted to his logic. It makes mine almost seem sane. And I like helping him with it, if I can. Which I usually can't cause all he talks about is me being involved with it, which I am, to a certain extent. I think he says that a lot more than it's actually true, but then again I'm not Pat. I wanna help Meghan now; I love you, m'dear!!

And last to be listed, but probably first in my head and OBVIOUSLY first in my heart: BARRY. OMG this week has been SO HARD without him!!!! I dunno, it's weird. I was in a REALLY horny mood this week (still am, to think about it), so that just like increased my missing of him. It's soooo not cool without him here to hold me... *sighs* Like, he's all I think about in classes. That's not good, but it's true. Like... I need a really good back massage right now... I'd give anything for him to be here to give me one. And I keep smelling guys and being like "They don't smell as good as Barry." Yah, I'm a big scent-recognition type of person... I really hope I get to go visit him soon. Mom said maybe in October, but that's so far away I'm gonna die! I have no idea who I'm gonna take to homecoming now... Jesus, I didn't think about that. Nor do I want to. *sigh* I'm too lazy to write a poem now. I promise I will next entry, which will be like Saturday night in most likely-ness. Love to all, especially my far-off B!! Wow, dizziness there for a second... Makes me almost miss writing. *tears*