Phantom Planet - Nightmare in my Closet

w00tage for this weekend!! Meggie's bash was SO GOOD!! WICKED MAD PROPS TO MRS BARRY AND DAINE FOR OUR DINNER!! *drools* It was soooo good! THANK YOU!! Hehehe... The dance was awesome. I LOVE RAVING!! It's sooo much fun!! *is dizzy* I hope you all liked my glowing cleavage. Hehe. Wow, I'm not OK. Then Kayla and I stayed at Meghan's house. Eating chips and candy and pumpkin seeds and drinking Mountain Dew until 4 in the morning is so underated. That was a damn good party... "Je ne suis pas... bonne." Yeah, I went there. Hey, I was half asleep!!! Then Saturday morning and BACON!! Mmm... bacon... Hehe, oh wow... "Meghan! Meghan! Meghan! Meghan! Meghan!" And we're all thinking SHUTUP CONOR! Bacon and eggs for breakfast. Kay went home, Daine came over. Fight. Not going there!! Then to MY house!! Kay was there... We made soup. Mmm... soup... That was good. Uh, what next? They GUYS came (Steve, Erik, Dylan). And, yes, I mistook Dylan for Chelsea. Haha, don't ask. PLEASE!! Hung out, watched Reloaded, worked on projects, watched more Reloaded, ate GOOD pizza, and all that good stuff. Yay! Then Meghan went home, then Kay went home, then Daine and the guys went home. I got on the computer and talked to Will on the phone till I fell asleep like 6 times and he told me to hang up. Heh, that was funny. I think I muttered a lot and yawned....

"Yawning is the hobgoblin of sleepovers!"

Wow, yeah, then to Sunday. I didn't do anything today. I woke up, fell asleep in chruch, an hour of Christian survice, came home and did all my homework. And now I have to go sleep and study for Thuganomics!

Stuff of the weekend:
Bacon
Walruses
Turkey
China
Innuendo
Grinding!! *gah!!*
Seeds
Grey & white (and no we're not talking brain matter... although sometimes men tend to think with it...)
Glowing breasts
Buddha
Agent Smith kicking ASS!!
Swearing in French
Inside jokes... in French
Being half-alseep
Half-assed efforts
MUN hype-up
HALLOWEEN CANDY!!
Seniors WINNING!!
Which Dragon are YOU?
Which Prout Person are YOU? (and I was ME and I was PAT and I think that's it...)
"There's gotta be MORE TO LIFE... Than chasing down every temporary HIGH to SATISFY me..."
Phantom Planet
Chariho contacts... (*says nothing*
Annoyances
Tolarances
Toy cars???
Who's prettier? (and it's gonna be me!).
People getting their first kiss!! AWWWWWWW!! (no, not me. haha.)
Small, furry animals making rodent sounds for kinky sex toys in your ear!!
SHEEP! BRING IT 13!!
Computers making life... bad.
No sleep.
No sleep at all.
Music making life... good.
Uh... I got nothing else. WHERE'S TIFFO THESE DAYS??! Jeez...

Wow... my world just ended...

And, now, the poem that I wrote for Mur actually applies!! WOW!!

When the world's passing by me,
Where will I stand?
With my entrails hanging out
And my heart in my hands...

It's all bleeding from my veins,
How can I be strong?
When my tears must be hidden
I don't know where my soul belongs...

Red heaven,
I've got twenty days...
Red heaven
Show me the way...
Red heaven
I never learned how to pray...

If the sky is consumed by darkness,
To whom will I turn?
When the cyclone throws my body
To the wind, I only know that it burns...

Ok... everything but the "I've got twenty days" part applies to me... Because I've got FOREVER to beat myself up over this... and I mean FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!! *sobs*

And then there were two...

First of all... I took a quiz thing. So, uh, here is it.

Afterlife as an Angel by childdoll
Your Name
Astrological Sign
Angel Type	Angel of Nature
Wing Color	Dark Blue
Heavenly Weapon	Bow and arrows
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

Amazing, isn't it? I've got blue wings!! How pretty. On to the real-life stuff. I severly detest the layout for my blog. So, I'm thinking about asking Steve to design me a better one, because he's good with html and I am not... But I don't know what he's working on now, he's got enough stuff to do with Insanity Art, so I may try to design my own. That'll turn out interesting. Umm...

Wow, a lot of stuff is flying around lately. No real big issues unless you count the Pat/Sarah conflict. I have no idea what's going on there and I don't really care now. It'll sort itself out. Things always do. I wish people weren't hypocrites... and of course I wish I wasn't a hypocrite!! Because I probably am the biggest one out of everyone. *sigh* Anyway... people need to relax and get over themselves. I know I do. I'm soooooo stressed out lately... about more than just school, too... And I keep having an "I am better than everyone attitude", at least from my point of view. Maybe you don't see it that way, but I keep finding ways to critisize people in my head and it's pissing me off because I know I'm just being annoyingly superior and I know I'm not. I'm sorry guys, I really am. If I act annoying around you just ignore me. I have no idea what's wrong with me lately... I complain about others being so self-rightious, and yet I'm the same fucking way. Whoopdie... apparently I'm STUPID as well. *sigh*

Uh... other topics? I'm going to complain some more about Homecoming. I know you guys are prolly really sick of hearing about it, but I really do wish I had a date. I'm gonna feel rather left out, I just know it. It's not even that I'm upset about not going with anyone, it's that I'm upset about not wanting to go with anyone in particular. Because, I don't really like anyone and usually when I do like someone I can pour my energies into having a crush or whatever and I'm relaxed. But... I have no one. I don't even know who I'd ask if I had to, because there's no guys I like now... Unless you count Barry. And it's pissing me the HELL off that he got a girlfriend as soon as school started again and I'm now in the end of October, at Homecoming, and I don't even like a guy, let alone have a relationship with one. I just think it's unfair because I'm being severly lonely lately. And my dreams ARE NOT HELPING!! They are making me distrust guys AGAIN. Gah, someone help me!!!

In other news, Spirit Week is going pretty well. Some tension between classes, but it's not too bad. And UCMUN is next week, so that'll be fun as hell. I can't wait!! Hmm... Mur just asked me to write him a poem. So I did... but it's not very good. *glares at self* It's in his profile now... Tell me what you think.

And... now I guess I'll write something for myself... Ok... nevermind. My world just collapsed again. Fuck this.

I'm drinking Barq's rootbeer!!

Hola!! Tuesday night, I don't have much homework. In fact, I'm just about done with it. All I have left is study for Religion (no need) and do my French exercizes. w00t. So, lots and lots of stuff going around lately. From horniness to bitchiness to loneliness to complete mental breakdowns to just plain weirdness. Yeah, gonna comment on some stuff. People might get pissed, but I've been so bitchy lately it might make no difference at all...

Friday was KILLER. I loved Kill Bill, it's suuuuuch a great movie!!! I loved the whole Tokyo Underworld sequence. If you like anime, you're going to LOVE this movie. Basically, it's a live-action anime with lots of blood and awesome actions scenes... and there's even a scene from the movie done completely in animation, which I thought was really well-done! Hmm... and Applebee's afterwards was fun, sitting with all the guys, I looked like such a female pimp!! *winks adorably* You know you want me...

Hmmm... Saturday was GREAT, aside from a few issues... King Richard's Faire, for the second year in a row, was WONDERFUL. Great costumes, hott guys, great food, hott guys, great shows, hott guys, great hot apple cider, and did I mention hott guys?? Yeah, so, we all (Myself, Erik, Chelsea, Dylan, Kayla, and Steve) got to Steve's at 10. Drove up in the Yukon... The ride up wasn't too bad, but last year in the RV was more fun, and Steve and I felt a bit like extra wheels because of the two couples. Then we got there, watched the MudShow (really funny), found Daine, Xandra, Dan, and Abby, and went to get food. The food there is stellar. I wish I could eat like that everyday. Next we tried to go to see the Fire Eater, but we all got bored and sort of split up into little groups... Xandra and I walked around looking for hott guys (found em, too) and Alex (not that he isn't a hott guy) and found him too. And then Abby somehow wound up with us and we walked and talked and watched the hott man at the Test-of-Strength game for a while, joined the rest of the group around 4:30 before the jousting started. Everyone had apple cider, hot or cold. That was damn good. Watched the jousting. Hott men jousting. And dying. And coming back to life. Good fun. Then we got more apple cider and finally went home. Lemme just mention how incredibly HORNY everyone was during this outting: Personally, I was VERY. I flirted with everyone I came in contact with. *giggles* *ahem* SOOOO... ride home? Meh, it was ok. I was DAMN HAPPY I had my CD played because Kayla and Dylan were cuddling *barfs* next to me and I didn't wanna like interrupt them, because I know how little they get to see each other every week. I felt bad about ignoring Steve on a ride home, but it's hard to talk with people doing that and, besides, I was dead tired.

All in all, Saturday was one big I-LOVE-MEN-BUT-WHERE-IS-MY-OWN Fest. Not that I didn't enjoy it, but Steve and I were feeling a bit left out. Oh well. Then, I came home, and ran upstairs to the attic and my homies Ali, Andrea, and Matt were up there chillin' because they all came home for the holiday weekend. I loves them sooooooo much!! I'm so glad they came to visit! Matt grew a sexy little gotee thing. It's awesome. Sunday... I skipped Church because I stayed in the shower too long. Oops. Then went to Steve's where I met his friend Pete, who is very attractive, especially with no shirt on, and we made part of a movie where I play a little imp-like being with horns on a chain being lead around by Steve, the sexy warrior man because I have magical powers and people want to capture me... Yeah, lots and lots of innuendos, so many it was almost like summer. And I think I like being on chain a LITTLE too much!! *giggles* ANYWAY, Sunday was good... Pete left *was sad* Then we stopped filming because of rain and watched Shang-Hai Noon, ate good food, and sat on the couch. And I had a very long and in-depth talk with Dylan and Kayla, which was cool, about stuff going on. Dylan r0x0rs to talk to because he's got a damn good grasp on everything that goes on, doesn't he Kay??

Back to reality. Monday was OK. I slept late. I did homework. I watched the Two Towers. I wrote some random poetry. That was about it.

And, Barry tried to call me all weekend, finally sending me a text message asking where the hell I was. I felt special!! Yeah, I did. We were both really lonely... *giggles* GOD I HATE LIVING IN RHODE ISLAND AND NOT VIRGINIA!!! I NEED TO SEE HIM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BAD!! AND HE'S GETTING A DAMN BMW!! I'M GOING TO STEAL IT!! Yeah, I miss him. But Jess saw his picture in my locker and was like "AWWWWWWWW!! WHO IS THAT?!?" it was funny. I was happy. I have a neckache. I think I'm gonna write poetry because I've had "There's gotta be MORE to LIFE..." stuck in my head for the past 3 DAYS...

Rebirth
When I sing to the unadultered seasons,
The Fates reply with a single verse
For, in dying we reach a different sort-of life,
And in crying we reach a new reason for tears.

When I sing to the sculptures and ancient ruins,
The tides rush and crumble away the shore
For, in seeing we find a new reason to shut our eyes
And in being we find a new set of fears.

The greens I chose,
Turned to gray.
And the wars I fought,
Have faded away.
What's left is the stains,
Of men who fell.
And the ashes of fires,
Burned away in Hell...
The notes I played,
Have lost their sound.
The words I wrote,
Were not profound.
The rhythm I danced,
Has become undone.
And all the prayers I prayed,
A following begun...

When I sing to the velvet-blue night,
The stars twinkle as if they can only smile
For, in calling we grasp a small part of hope
And in falling we grasp a peice of the sky.

When I sing to the wind as it blows through the trees,
The breeze answers my song with a whistle of its own
For, in writing we release our inner-most secrets
And in fighting we release our wish to die.

Gray earth...
Green earth...
I long for
Rebirth.

Phocle -- A Time and Place for Everything and his Uncle...

Hey, hey hey! It's Thursday. And I've got a few minutes to write in here about stuff that I've got to babble on about endlessly because, so far, there has been no end. Yay. Ok, first order of business... I plan to complain about model UN. Here goes: I WANT TO STRANGLE SOMEONE!! OMG!! The whole system is crashing!! I'd like to REALLY apologize to people for making them pay the extra money, but if you look at it logically, it's no one's fault. First of all, 250 bucks is pretty fucking cheap for a conference as it is, so I don't wanna hear anymore complaints about it. New York's gonna be about 450 or 500 just by itself, so get used to paying money, alright?? And, here's what happened, without trying to think about anything too complicated: We charged everyone prior to this extra 100 dollars $150 each. Hooray. That's 17 people times 150, which gives us $2550. Enough to cover what we thought we'd have to pay. Then, unfortunatly, we couldn't take cars up to UCONN, we needed to rent a bus. Ok, no biggie. Then we realized that someone BOOKED US A HOTEL SOME 18-ODD MILES OFF CAMPUS, so we had to rent a bus for 3 days. Ouchies. That alone costs us $1200, so that's why we need the money now. Here I go ranting about Senor LeBabera: he's such a little baby. Oh no, we have him a headache. So sorry. He's the only on over 18 in a position of authority to do anything. We just sit around and count the number of people in the room. That's it. How unfortunate that they dumped MUN, mock trial, coaching, and classes on him. Not our fault. They should get us a new moderator if he can't handle the pressure. End of story. Blah.

NEXT!! Inefficiency in my acceptance levels. Ok, I was embarassed by someone. (**IS TOTALLY NOT MENTIONING NAMES**). Anyway, I was. Yeah, like a friend of mine. *gasp* I dunno. I think I must be going crazy. Does being in full IB suddenly give me, like, an ego?? Christ, I hope not. Let's not think about it. Let's just forget it. And hope I get ride of something here... Oh, oh... QUOTE... And I totally can't remember it. I'll write it down later.

Third: I'm working my mom like crazy to get her to be comfortable with me flying. I seriously hate her damn fears about me. I have fear of flying, not being by myself. I'll bring it up tomorrow in the car. Here's hoping for good luck... Thanky. B -- don't worry, dearest, I'm working on her!! *hugs*

That leads me to my forth point: Barry. Umm... I'm soooooo confused about that boy, I really don't know what to do. I know, I know, you're all sick of hearing me complain about him. Well, Meghan's not. 'Course, Meghan understands where I'm coming from. (I LOVE YOU MING!!) So, that's happy in my heart. But, yah, the rest of you are sick of hearing about him, I know. Still, I miss him SO DAMN MUCH. Like, today, Christ it was awful. I nearly brought myself to tears... ok, not tears (Haha, when was the last time I cried? Oh, wait, I remember. And that WAS about him. Congrats, babe, you matter to me enough for tears. That's something to be said, 'cause Shelle never cries!!), but I was SO SAD I wanted camp back like you don't understand. I told Xandra I needed to get away. I need to get away to Virginia. Of course, then I go ahead and think about the whole Sam "situation" and that just makes me sick to my stomach with grief and jealousy. And I seriously hope is makes him sick, too. Like, I want B to be happy and all... but... I don't want him to forget about me and just be close to her all the time. I'd prolly hurt myself. Haha, whatever. And he hasn't told me he loves me in a while. Well, he said it, but it was indirect. Doesn't matter. I still love him. God, I'm so far gone in this... Shelle wonders what happened to her crushes?? What happened to drooling over the ones with all the confidence and power? Nope, I went and fell in love again. With a boy who lives 6 states away. For some reason I'm happy Soojin wasn't Barry! Boyfriends on the other side of the country are hard enough, but the planet?? Jeez...

Um, much loves. There's a poem in my profile, if you wanna read it. I'm too lazy to write another one, although I'm sure I could. I'll give you my favorite quote in the world, though:


"The straying dreams of men
May bring them ghosts of joy:
But as they drowse, the waking embers burn them;
Or they walk with fixed eyes, as blind men walk.
But the ancient wisdom speaks for our own time:
Fate works more for woe
With Folly's fairest show.
Man's little pleasure is the spring of sorrow."

Sophocles -- The Oedipus Cycle, "Antigone"
Ode II, Chorus, Antistrophe 2

It's Wednesday... And I should be working on homework!

Blah. Congradulations to Steve on getting his license. That was some DAMN GOOD chicken!! So, you've prolly noticed that I changed some stuff around here. w00t, I needed a change of scenery. Even though it looks like crap. Gimme a break, I'm not too good with all the html stuff. What a shame. I promise to write more later, now I'm going to get started on my homework. Wow, I really hate school. Hehehehe... *ahem* Don't mind me, I'm just lacking food in my stomach. Maybe I should go eat dinner. Yeah, any suggestions on how the make the blog look prettier would be useful. Cause I think it's too... umm.... weird as is.

d00d, they made ORANGE FLAVORED TOOTH PASTE. Mom got me some. I'm gonna try it. Hehe. Picture day is Friday. I'm making a general announcement that YOU ARE ALLOWED TO WEAR TAG-DAY CLOTHING. Cause every year people forget and they have to get their picture taken in their uniform, which is never fun. I would know. I've done it. Maybe I won't be sick this time. It seems I'm ALWAYS sick on Picture Day at Prout. Of course, now I've cursed it and Friday morning I'll wake up barfing. Oops.

Love to my people... *kisses* I hate what I've become!! *cries* Ummm... don't ask. And now you will. Damn.