The wonderful world of Boston

Well, we traveled to Boston today to bring Alison to BU. That was entertaining. She's in college now. Hooray for Ali. So are all her other friends. Emily is still at home, maybe. She's the only one. Maybe I'll go see her play at the coffee shop someday. Kayla would enjoy coming with me. That'll be fun. Lucky Ali. I hope she enjoys living in a city, though. I know I would. Boston is a cool city.

Ok, contemplating some stuff lately. I can't handle anything. I don't even know why I'm talking about this, but I got a boulder of a feeling in my gut. Feel like I'm gonna burst out crying, or screaming, or laughing, or get really angry. This is bad. It's only been there a few days, but still... Pulls at my heart. I'm sure it can't be good. We shall see. School started. Nothing special. Harder courses than last year and lunch is just as miserable, only it's third lunch instead of first so there's no food left. Great, huh? Anything else new? Well, not really. People changed over the summer, I guess. Relationships have CERTAINLY changed. And I've changed, I guess. I dunno. I'm a lot more angry and cynical. I think that's bad for some reason. I started Driver's Ed. Not too bad, although I have homework. And it's like... long, annoying homework. Jeez... Brad's in my class though, Brad Smith. And some other people from Westerly that I vaguely know, but sorta don't. Rob's there, and like Amber, Kerri, and this Pat kid I knew. I doubt they remember me. Well, Kerri does. And Rob might, I'll try to talk to him at some point. I didn't get a change first class.

Ok, so that's basically what's up with me currently. I'm lonely, though. Barry's now not responding to my IMs. I think he fell asleep again at his computer, heh... Erik's not home. He's at Chelsea's or somewhere. I haven't talked to him in a while. I hope he gets home soon. Xandra's party is tomorrow. That's going to be lots of fun. I can't wait to hang around Newport with her. I finally got a chance to talk to her after school yesterday. I missed her so much over the summer, not seeing her for two and a half months was so not cool. That was a long time. But, oh well, we're both back now. And that's good. And I hope there are no more fights. Like I just said to Daine, I can't stand fighting anymore. What a hypocrite I am... cause I went and beat up Mur yesterday. Oh well, I'm sorry Mur. Don't hate me!! *looks sorry* Yes, well, I can't stand fighting anymore. If there are anymore fights amoung us I'm going to stay away from them. Or try to help, although as Sensei has pointed out, I'm really not that big of a help to anyone in situations like that. I'm much more of a hinder... Now, to write my troubles away...

Touch
When I get like this
When I get so...
Broken, broken
Fix me with you touch
When I get like this
When I get so...
Lonely, lonely
I crave you oh so much

So, let's run far away
Find a hidden place to stay
Hide our missing selves all day
Lost in love with each other
While newly finding one another
These feelings we can not smother
It's a bright, new day.

And it's fading into night
I've finally found you just right
As we move with delight
My heart begins to race
We set such a lovely pace
I need to kiss your sweet face
My single soul has taken flight.

Nicer sights I have not seen
Silent, unspoken words between
The two of us caught in this routine
You seem to know just what I want
And you destroy me with simple taunts
This bed is our most frequent haunt
Where this will end is unforseen.

When I get so...
Broken, broken
Fix me with you touch
When I get so...
Lonely, lonely
I crave you so much.

I want you oh so much,
Cause there's nothing like your touch.


J'ai passion pour tu, mon amour...

The Day I Figured Out How to Title My Posts in My Blog

And so... the summer comes to an end. I'm pained, right in the heart. I feel the muscles in my chest contract, even a slighty stinging behind my eyes... It's so unfair. We're sitting here... watching out last night of summer slip outta our fingers by the minute. I wanna scream, really. Think about it... We're right SMACK in the middle of our highschool career. Freshman year and Sophmore year are gone, while Junior year and Senior year are only beginning. This summer was it. The middle. The top of the hill. The peak of the mountain. It's all down-hill from here, folks. And, come to think of it, it's not just downhill, it's a god damn, scare-you-shitless, oh-hell-we're-falling-fast, SAVE-ME-SOMEONE, VERTICAL DROP!!!! We have to watch out for sharp rocks at the bottom. While the first 2 years where a nice, lovely jog to the top, when we couldn't wait to see the veiw, now the climb down... it matters. A lot. It matters a hell of a lot because this mountian effects all others we will ever climb in our lives. The climb down to graduation is littered with lots of really big challenges: PSATS, SATS, keeping up grades in general to impress colleges, college search, college application, college acceptance, more homework, friends, parents, love, sex, money, jobs, life, death... Shit. Maybe I'm freaking myself out. Maybe I'm veiwing this in all the wrong way. Instead of a fall downward into the real-world I should see this as a chance to grow up outta childhood. Then again, who am I kidding? Being care-free is a lot easier than having to worry, you know?

And, of course, my complete otherside kicks in. The side that isn't Rochelle, but is Shelle... She says: "Relax. Nothing matters. You're gonna die someday anyway. Nothing you do will effect anything on a cosmic scale. You're reading too deep into your life. You are SIMPLY a microscopic point on a SPECK of a SLIVER of a PORTION of time and space. You live, what, 80, 90 years total? Not even if you don't die of old age!! And the universe will be around for BILLIONS of years. Stop worrying about college and grades and Junior year. No, on second thought, DO worry. It'll make your life seem full and rich. But don't kill yourself worrying. And don't forget the truth. Make the best of your life, but look up at the night sky and remember nothing you do truely effects anything up there. So... You're off the hook!!" Yay!! Wow, none of you will even get that. But, that's just a little look into my logic. I hope it makes sense to someone out there. *wishes*

Blah, so, yeah... that turned out kinda weird. I didn't mean to go make a stupidly interesting post like that. God, what am I turning into?? So not fashion, meh...

Eric's away message says... "What's done is done, and just leave it alone, and dont regret it". Words from the wise, indeed. Ok, I'm feeling weird. Gonna go talk to other people. I'll write a poem later, I promise!! Well, maybe not tomorrow, I have school and then Driver's Ed sign-up... But... certainly soon!!

Boo!! I'm at Meghan's... w00t. Ok, hm.... School starts tomorrow!! >.< NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Ok, what do I have to update on?? Saturday... I went over Daine's house. YAY!! Kayla and I slept over. That was fun... We made cookies. Toffee cookies. And called Xandra, but she couldn't come... *was saddened* We went to Sean's house at like 11 at night and stayed in his pool and hot tub until like midnight or something. Very fun. Very cold outta the water, tho. *Brrrrrrrrrrrr!!* Then... To Steve's on Sunday. We watched SUMMER SLAM!! SO DAMN GOOD!! YES!! Kurt Angle is now, officially, my favorite wrestler. He beat up Brock Lesnar. And then EVIL Mr. McMahon came out... and he beat up him, too!! Talk about a good match. It was awesome. But the rest of summer slam was a little weird. None of the titles changed people!! *gasp* Ooh well. So... Stayed home yesterday. Watched 4 Disney movies to cheer myself up and read some of Dinner at the Homesick Restaurant. Weird book. *ahem*

Today... I'm at Meghan's. And yesterday, obviously. Went to my grandparents Tuesday morning. *mutter, mutter* I would've liked to go to Dylan's. Oh well, this was more fun. And I stilll got to watch The Two Towers. w00t w00t. That movie OWNS!! I love the sexy poeple.. loooooove them!! *blushes* (*interjection from Meghan - "Erik's penis is too big to be LEASHED!!"*) ... right-o.

Barry... love you... LEARN THAT DAMNATION!!! Right. The End.

Mmm... another updation. Don't wanna get too far behind on my life... Cause it's SO INTERESTING, huh?? Went to Newport yesterday. That was fun. I got to see Daine. Whoo-hoo! Yah, we made a movie, although everyone was sorta half-hearted about it. Too bad... maybe it'll be better once we add music and stuff. We went to the beach, though, so that was definately cool. This guy walked up to us before we got in the water and started reciting this poem which started "South County does exist..." That was definatly random. Then Eric nearly drowned me. I've never really drowned... I sorta did once at the beach when I was very young. I got knocked over by a wave and I couldn't find the surface. But, I kept my mouth closed that whole time. This time, however, he jumped on my back while I had my mouth open. I swallowed SO MUCH DAMN SEA WATER!!! I was going to throw up, seriously, but like 20 minutes later I burped. And all was good. Amazing what a belch with do for you, huh? We went back to Eric's house... ate some pizza, watched some Smackdown, walked to the restaurant to meet Geri. Ok, I SOOOOOOOOO spelled that wrong. Sorry, Dylan. Anyway, she gave Kayla and me a ride home. She's so nice.

Today we went up to Providence. It was soooo much fun!! But REALLY REALLY exhausting. I'm sooooo dead right now. Although, that might be for other reasons, which you can ask me personally about if you really need to. They're nothing I didn't complain about before, except now there are personal attacks... Excuse me: SHE CALLED ME A MIDGET!! LMFAO!!! AS IF I EVEN CARE ANYMORE!! Jesus, she really IS an ass zombie. *ahem* Sooo... Kayla and I took the bus up from Wakefield mall and met Steve, Dylan, Eric, and Rav up there. We went to see The Madallion, which REALLY SUCKED, so don't go see it. And then ate. I bought a frightening amount of Japanese food, which I didn't get to finish because everyone wanted me to leave. I saw an awesome dress at Hot Topic, although it was all black. Something like that would look PERFECT for Annabel's dress. And I found a really nice choker at Newbury Comics, which Annabel's gonna wear. The color is like brandy-wine-ish. A dress like that would be great. I'm gonna make it myself... And we bought pants for Steve and then walked (up hill...) to Thayer street. I was devestated to find they closed Anime Crash!! WHAT EVIL PEOPLE WOULD DO SUCH A THING??? We got Ben & Jerry's icecream, though, so that made up for the disappointment. Took some nice pictures while we were up there... Eric and Rav left. Then Steve, Dylan, Kayla, and I went home on the bus to Wakefield mall again. Kayla and I ran into Shaws while we were there and visited Erik on his walk to the milk section. That was cool... Right, good day.

Until now. Barry's out at some dance thing... I was gonna call him when I got home, too. Damn it!! Becky was online agian, hooray!! *cheers* We got to talk about some stuff. Finally. So, people are being ass-zombies lately. And they know it. And they don't care. Not that Will's even gonna read this! What an ass zombie... Denying me the link without a reason. It's sooooo confusing!! And Daine was online for a SECOND tonight. I only IMed her one message and then she logged off without a response. That's soooo saddening. But I might be going to sleep at her house tomorrow, Binger permitting. That would make up for all the crappy stuff.

Ok, well, I still think Junior year's gonna suck. I got... umm... 5 days left until the SUCKAGE BEGINS! Steve said he'd make a list of all the good things that are gonna happen during Junior year. I told him to DO HIS WORST!! Actually, I didn't... I just smiled at all the stuff he mentioned... Maybe it won't be too bad... Meh.


Nightmares

to lay my head down each night
to feel so happy as I take a nap
to feel secure in my soft bed
it's all a trap
it's all a trap

for, when I sleep I see visions
for, when I sleep I wake up screaming
for, when I sleep my fears awake
it's all my dreaming
it's all my dreaming

Clear as day,
Dark as night,
Each evening I wish,
For morning light...

as I watch my nightmares in my head
as I feel my control slip away
as I wake shaking from my slumber
it's all dismay
it's all dismay

with colors as gray as mid-day mist
with sights I shudder to see
with tears mixed in with all my hate
it's all real to me
it's all real to me

Clear as day,
Dark as night,
Each evening I wish,
For morning light...

As clear as the day,
As evil as the night,
Each evening I wish,
For morning's first light...

Deliver me
Deliver me
Dawn, I pray you come soon
Awaken me
Awaken me
Love, I pray you come soon
Save me
Save me
Hope, I pray you come so soon
Help me
Help me
I'm so lost inside my head
When I sleep I wish I were simply dead
Defenseless when I go to bed
I awake and am so full of dread
That I'd rather never sleep again, instead...
I'm so lost inside my head.

Clear as day,
Dark as night,
Each evening I wish,
For morning light...

Ya know... you THINK you know a guy...

Ok, I'm soooooo frikin pissed right now, being LIED to and all... I can just see ALL OF JUNIOR YEAR ahead of me. And it's not pretty. Wanna know what's in store for your's truely? OK!! Here's just the top 10 of the list... and don't you dare tell me 4 and 5 are the same thing... They refere to different stuff COMPLETELY! Yeah, here:

1. Full IB courses... that's a lot of work
2. Barry lives in Virginia. I live in Rhode Island. You do the math... *cries*
3. Death. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about...
4. Armed conflict. Ok, the Fates are armed. I'm not. I'm defenseless. Maybe I need to take anger management classes. Or maybe sickness management classes...
5. More armed conflict. This time with other people, not just my stomach. Yeah, I went there.
6. College search starts. Oh, joy!!
7. PSATs in the beginning of the year... SATs at the end of the year. And, yeah, these count.
8. Ali away at college. And me... alone... in my house... with both my parents. Shit. Shit fuck!! I do ALL THE CHORES AND MOM DUMPS ON JUST ME NOW, INSTEAD OF BOTH OF US... *sobs*
9. All my older friends gone away to school!! I MISS YOU ALREADY, M'DEARS!
10. Parents not letting me go visit Barry. Cause, you know it's gonna happen. Might as well start complaining about it now.

Yeah, so that's just a few things I'm worried about. And to think... last year I couldn't WAIT to get back in schoool. Now I'm denying that fact that school even exists. Maybe I should leave Prout. That'd be a lot easier on my parent's budget. Maybe then they'd stop lecturing me as if I were my sister because she's not home for them to lecture. Ok, Dad doesn't do that so much. But Mom... lately... Jesus, ok on Monday (I think), Alison, Andrea, and I went out to meet Caster, this wicked old-school Prout kid who was a Senior long ago when I was a little 7th grader. So that was cool, he's changed a lot. Got more funny. And cuter. w00t. So, then like we're gonna go to get pizza with Matt and Ali calls Mom to talk to her about it and they get in another fight about time managing and money managing and stuff like that. Hmmm... so... the NEXT DAY. Almost a FULL 24 HOURS AFTER THE FACT, Mom walks into the computer room while I'm working away at something, like writing my script, and not bothering anyone and starts up this one-sided conversation (ok, not a conversation, more like her ranting) about the fight they got into. I should tell you, all my conversations with my mother these days are one-sided. It's because she's the only one who talks. And she expects me to listen. Like I even care. I was SO ANNOYED, I was just like "Mom, I don't care." And she said "I know..." AND KEPT GOING!!! Yah... I hate it when she tries to dump her anger on me. It gets sooooo stressing!

So... That's that. Evil as can be. And that's not even factoring in Driver's Ed and stuff that I haven't even THOUGHT about yet. Cause I'm sure there's a lot of it. I really never want summer to end... *sigh*

I went to a funeral today. My Aunt Liz died on Sunday. After I had such a good day in the graveyard and watching Donnie Darko with everyone at Steve's house, I come home and my mother's sitting in like nearly complete darkness on the phone, crying. I knew immediately what had happened. Aunt Liz was sick... But, still... she was young, too. Not old at all. That brings the death toll for the summer to 4, for people I knew. I keep forgetting. It's my fault. I'm sorry. Not that it helps now. I didn't even cry. Well, I did... but it was sort of a dry-tear thing. I'm an awful person. Ali just says I'm strong. I think I'm just weak because I can't cry in front of people, usually. The burial site was BEAUTIFUL, though. I would love to be buried in a place that nice. So... *sigh* I miss Liz. Her smile was so genuine.

And now... Now I have a week left. One damn blissful week. Then all Hell breaks loose. Literally, figuratively, emotional, educationally, whatever. I start school and Driver's Ed (hopefully) on the 28th. We bring Alison to BU on the 30th. I have to go to a memorial service up in Mass again on the 6th (of September, obviously)... but that's all too much to think about. Now I must just enjoy my last week of fun-in-the-sun, sexellant, summer vacation 2003, The Summer Of Innuendo. Although, I'm thinking of changing it to The Summer of Death... What do you think? Too morbid? Maybe, maybe not... One good thing about today: I talked to Becky! That was cool. And Barry cheered me up a bit. That was nice too. And I'm going to see Daine tomorrow. I'm gonna hug her sooooo much.

Sticks and stones may break my bones...
But words will bind and curse me.
Nothing but your sweet, sweet sight
Will have these fears release me.

Choices burned across my mind these years passed...
But did I choose the right road to go?
Stop the silence, it's getting so unbearable
But when it stops, I'll wonder, where did it go?

There is no pleasure,
only pain.
I have all loss,
and not gain.
All this strength,
begins to wane
away...
Nothing more do I
Have to say...
Goodbye, my dear
Goodbye.

Well, today was just soooo uber awesome that I have to write about it now... W00t w00t for the WaShInGtOn CoUnTy FaIr!!! Ok, so this HUGE group of people were there... lets name them all: myself, Kayla, Sarah, Erik, Dylan, Steve, Dan (Cottle, that is), Liz, the infamous Mur, the FAMOUS Chelsea, and Dan Gooding who popped up from nowhere and decided to hang with us. That's, what, 11 people. Very good group, very funny people. Mur was cool. That was the first time I met him and he's sooo funny. So, like Liz, Mur, and I were walking to get on a ride and we ran into John Strafatch (sp??) from up the street. I haven't seen him since graduation, but that was cool. Apparently Mur knew him from St. Pius so they like reminisced a bit about like the school and Mur's brother Sam and stuff. Liz was a bit confused, hehe... Umm... So Mur was cool. Who else? Ah! Yes! Chelsea. She was awesomely funny. Very excentric and has the coolest pants... So, go Erik. We all like her, she's cool. I want her cowboy hat, hehe! There were good rides, and good food, and good friends, and good fireworks afterwards, while I was driving home. There were a lot of other people I saw there that I knew... like... Ryan Garafano, for instance. *twitch* But, whatever, he didn't seem to care about me, so much the better. I saw a lot of other people I knew. You know, that I knew but didn't know that well... stuff like that. It was uber awesome. And sooooo good to see Sarah after like over a month of not. So, very fun day/night!!

...FUCK PEOPLE!! *murders "Hannah"*

*ahem*

And, so, next part of the entry... I'm going to be babbling a lot about useless stuff. Dominion's going ok... I've been hit 4 times all round, but only 3 actually got land. So, I'm somewhere near 730 acres now. 18K-ish DP. Not too bad, actually. And about 100 acres outta the SPUD rankings. So, hopefully, I can bring myself up by the end of the round. That would be happy. What else can I talk about?? I dunno there's not much. I feel helpless right now... Cause, mainly, I wanna like help Barry out and all, make him feel better and stuff, but I can't!! I'm always at a brick wall with him. Usually with people I can be myself and make them feel better, but I kinda don't know about him, cause he's in like a sticky situation. *shrugs* Try my best, lose if I must, but always get back in the race! Or.. something like that...

Oh, I started a damn good poem and now I can't remember it. I hate when that happens.

New Times, Old Rhymes
Lights in the carnival go out,
but my heart's still shining bright.
Sweet dreams plagued by my fears,
Maybe I'll still sleep well tonight.

Sad and lonely love song playing,
but my heart's still full of hope.
Darkness lost in a lighting storm,
In the dim light I blindly grope.

A bitter taste comes to mind,
What is lost, I shall find
An ancient story within a rhyme.
Such a legend, lost in time...
A bitter taste comes to mind,
For, what is lost, I shall find.
An ancient story within a rhyme,
A legend, lost in time...
What is lost I shall find
What is lost I shall find.

New faces appear in front of me,
as friends grow and friends die.
Angry screams in the music I play,
All the pain inside leaves me high.

Missing you on a path in the pines,
as the crows above cry with pain.
Strange whispers from the falling drops,
We take shelter as it starts to rain.

A bitter taste comes to mind,
What is lost, I shall find
An ancient story within a rhyme.
Such a legend, lost in time...
A bitter taste comes to mind,
For, what is lost, I shall find.
An ancient story within a rhyme,
A legend, lost in time...
What is lost I shall find
What is lost I shall find.

The storm above ends silently,
with the rain leaving the sky.
Looking up, the stars start to play,
Shining, velvet night dries up tears we cry.

A warm night decends upon us,
with breezes blowing in the trees.
I hold your hand and remember the past,
Please don't leave me, please.

A bitter taste comes to mind,
What is lost, I shall find
An ancient story within a rhyme.
Such a legend, lost in time...
A bitter taste comes to mind,
For, what is lost, I shall find.
An ancient story within a rhyme,
A legend, lost in time...
What is lost I shall find
What is lost I shall find.

A better taste comes to mind,
What is lost, I shall find.
An ancient story within a rhyme.
Such a legend, lost in time...
A bitter taste comes to mind...
What we've lost, we will find.
An ancient story within a rhyme
Such a legend, in a new time.

A better taste comes to mind,
What we've lost, we will surely find.
An ancient story, within a rhyme...
Such a legend, in a new time.

New times
Old rhymes
What is lost, I shall find...
What is lost, I shall find...

A happy week(s)... Wow, I've done a lot of stuff these 2 weeks... Barry was here last week, from Monday to Saturday. Lots of time in the attic and hanging around Westerly together... Miss him now... And then this week's been a lot of good, random stuff that I can't remember at the moment... We went to Dan's one day, my house another day, the movies & tubing at some point, and to this party for Dan Cottle (sp?) today. That was one of the most fun things I've done this summer. It's right up there with Steve's start-of-the-summer party, and the trip to Newport last Saturday... So, Dan lives like right on this really nice lake. His back yard IS the lake. And we all went swimming in the water, which is like uber warm on the surface, but ice cold at the bottom, and lots of drastic temperature changes in the middle. But, swimming while the stars are coming out above you is so much fun. And I ran into Julie Comforti who I was in 6th grade with and I so remember her!! We like remembered a bunch of stuff and people from long ago. It was great. Kayla, Dylan, her, and I had a great time swimming. I only knew a few people at the party (actually, I'd never met Dan until then) but it was still really fun. Good food, funny people, relaxing water, warm fire... It makes everything goooood.

Oy, my last post was sooo freaky! I never post stuff like that, but he was really worrying me. I don't know what to do... This long-distance thing is gonna kill Barry. And all his "friends" back home... GRRR-ness, I don't even want to go into it. I would say they're being whores, but I can't cause I don't even KNOW them... Of course, taking off your clothes while alone with my boyfriend when you claim to be a "friend" of his should give me well-enough reason to call you a "whore". But, whatever. I trust Barry. Besides, Erik & Dylan & Steve will break his legs if he does anything wrong. Good ol' pals, that they are!

Soo... tomorrow it's the FAIR! Washington County fair... I haven't been there in about 8 years, but I went a couple of times as a kid. There's a bunch of people going... About 4 different people asked me to do something Saturday (today, date/time-wise) and so I figured I'd clump everyone together and make everyone as happy as possible. So I made a big group of people, with little sub-groups who can go off and do whatever they want by themselves if they get sick of the others... The group includes: Myself, Erik, Chelsea, Chelsea's friend, Dylan, Mur, Kayla, Sarah, and Steve. And maybe Dan, if he can come. What's that, 10 people? I just hope it will be fun and not too expensive and not too hot. Cause, if it is either of those, I shall be evil and complain. Goody.

Mmm... so, normally, a poem goes here because I usually make it my policy for a poem everytime I update my blog, but I'm REALLY tired right now, and besides, I wrote a poem last night even without an update, so that like makes up for it. Sorta. I think. At least, I hope. Cause the last thing I wanna do is slack off in my writing. I already hate myself for not turning on my laptop ONCE ALL SUMMER!! I've got 2 weeks left... I expected to be DONE with Mother of All by the end of the summer. Or at least with Isis Ruby... but apparently, I'm much more lazy than I thought. Ashame...

Miss you, babe...
"Save tonight, fight the break of dawn..."

I'm so scared right now. Barry's freaking out on me, it's like he's giving up... He said I should forget about him or something... If he cares so much, he should be fighting to keep me, not backing out. I guess I can see what he's doing... says he doesn't want me to get hurt and wants me not to worry about him. Fucking Christ, but STILL. He's got to be selfish. That'd make me feel a lot better. I don't want to be happy, and him not be. That'd kill me. He should work his sorry ass off to keep me, if he feels so damn strongly. WTF is wrong with me?? I'm like crying. Ah, getting cold. Shit, fuck, not good. He's turning into... DAINE, you know what he's turning into. Jesus, I cared more than I thought I did. Maybe that's a good thing. I gotta think this through...

writing, that'll help...

only strength can save me now

Audible Silence

There's a breath on my neck
as my smile grows slowly;
and my tears seem to be drying.
There's a breath on my neck
as my heart winces painfully;
and my fears seem to be dying.

Silence, silence from my heart...
Where is my anger when I need it?
Get stuck in this situation, what shall I do?
Maybe you've got enough songs for both of us...
Cause all I'm hearing is this audible silence.

There's a curse on my tongue
as you seem to loose hope;
and I'm lost again in silence.
There's a curse on my tongue
as you push against this;
and it costs me much defiance.

Silence, silence from my heart...
Where is my anger when I need it?
Get stuck in this situation, what shall I do?
Maybe you've got enough songs for both of us...
Cause all I'm hearing is this audible silence.

There's a chill down my spine...
as the words pour from your lips;
and it hurts to listen to these lies.
There's a chill down my spine...
as your speech fades to nothing;
and tears glisten in your eyes.

Silence, silence from my heart...
Quiet, quiet from the start...
Where is my anger when I need it?
Should I save my fury as I bleed it?
Get stuck in this situation, what shall I do!
Got lost in this situation, fear starts to brew!
Maybe you've got enough songs for both of us...
Maybe you've got all the music for our stress...

Cause all I'm hearing is this audible silence.
All I'm hearing is this audible silence.
And all I'm hearing is audible silence...
Audible silence...
Silence, silence from my heart...
Where is my anger when I need it?
Get stuck in this situation, what shall I do?
Maybe you've got enough songs for both of us...
Audible silence...
All I'm hearing is this

audible silence.


Love you! ^_^

Hey, I haven't updated since Wednesday! *gasp* I've been busy, though, doing a lot of stuff. Thursday and Friday I was at Dylan's. That was cool. We watched some good movies and played a lot of DOA3. Thursday's group was myself, Kayla (for a little while), Steve, and Will. Friday's was myself again, Kayla, Steve, Will, Erik, and Mark. And Dylan, obviously. So, we had much fun on walks and watching Indiana Jones and Jackie Chan and playing DOA. Everyone's improving at that game. Jann Lee and I are kick-ass now. We even beat Steve a few times. I could rival Dylan with a bit more practice. Erik's pissing the hell outta me with his "I'm gonna be the best at DOA" crusade. I read his lj and that just annoyed me. Only because I actually think the game is fun, and he's making it too serious. If he gets good and beats everyone, then the game'll suck. Right now it's pretty good. There are nice even teams and not one is too much better than anyone else, so we enjoy beating someone or getting beat.

I slept over Erik's house on Friday night. That was cool, cause our parents finally consented to that. No one gets our friendship. We don't like each other, we're just really good friends. Erik's mother made me sleep in the family room, but whatever. Just to say we finally got a co-ed sleepover is good enough. Next we must push for MULTIPLE people at our sleepovers. W00t w00t for no sleep at a "sleepover". It just doesn't compare. Saturday Steve, Dylan, and Kayla came over here. I think my house bores people. All we do is eat and watch movies and stuff. People are like "I'm bored, let's do something." It sucks. But, oh well, c'est la vie. I've been using that phrase a lot lately. Hmmm...

So, now it's Sunday. I slept straight through Church this morning. Yay!! My parents didn't even care, which is odd for them, but I'm not complaining. I don't think I'm doing anything today. Maybe I'll call someone and have a nice, long phone conversation. Or maybe Xandra will get online and I can talk to her. Maybe I can bike around the beach. Mom wants me to go to the sea food festival in Charlestown in like 10 minutes. I'd love to go, just not right now. Oh, I could work on my story! Like, bring my laptop outside to tan and write at the same time... That's not a bad idea. Oh yeah...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SOOJIN!!

Hehe, I figured I'd make the general announcement.


Paradise in Evening, Heaven at Dawn
Sweet strings played for our ears...
This is a tunnel with one ending,
The colors along the way entrance me.
Can't you feel the heavy vibs I'm sending?

To lie in bed and read all day,
It's a heaven if I ever knew one.
I run from the sting of tears in my eyes...
Even knowing without pain I come undone.

There's a conversation I've been dying,
Dying to speak to.
There's a new sensation I've been trying,
Trying to sneak through.
You know...
Paradise is a thought away,
A breath beyond what's here today...
Tomorrow we'll fly without delay,
Cause paradise is a thought away.

A night sleeping below the moon,
We'll turn the sheets in it's light.
To have sensation of a first kiss...
Everytime we touch, it's just right.

Riding atop of wave of wonder...
Learning to swim among the fish,
Surfing these warm, salty waters,
Asking every star just one wish.

There's a conversation I've been dying,
Dying to speak to.
There's a new sensation I've been trying,
Trying to sneak through.
You know...
Paradise is a thought away,
A breath beyond what's here today...
Tomorrow we'll fly without delay,
Cause paradise is a thought away.

Someday,
Someday,
Someday soon...
Somewhere,
We'll find
Beyond the moon...
That heaven we've been looking for.
That paradise I'm watching for.
That haven away from all our other lives.
Oh
There's a place without others...
A time of pure unaltered music.
And we shall find it
Yes, we shall find it.

You know...
Paradise is a thought away,
A breath beyond what's here today...
Tomorrow we'll fly without delay,
Cause paradise is a thought away.
There's a conversation I've been dying,
Dying to speak to.
There's a new sensation I've been trying,
Trying to sneak through.
You know...
Paradise is a thought away,
A breath beyond what's here today...
Tomorrow we'll fly without delay,
Cause paradise is a thought away.
Yes, paradise is a thought away...

You know...